At the beginning of the month, I turned 30. A big number you might think. Not for me though. I just don’t feel like 30 at all. Well, how do you “feel 30” anyway? Is it what the standard European “should be like”? Or maybe what my younger self was expecting my 30 years old future me to be like? Is age just a number?
…who would have guessed that I was single for more than 5 years?
…who would have thought that my illness would not make it work for my body to be under constant pressure and stress?
And even more: who would have guessed that at age 26 I would decide to quit my job, travel
Who am I, at the age of 30?
I am definitely not what I thought I would be even 10 years ago. I am a totally different person. Maybe because traveling has changed me so much, maybe because we all change a lot during our twenties. It’s a road that we all go down. Every single one of us. His or her own path. And if we put the standard perspective out of sight, there are still our own expectations left. And I think, that we expect too much from our future selves. Even so much, that we sometimes forget to live our present life.
Let´s have a look at the following example: when I was 20 I was studying hard to get my Bachelors degree in and I was even applying for my masters already. During that time, I was working part-time (although my study was full time) and event in my holidays I did as many internships and jobs as possible. I was taught to have goals to work towards. My resume was on point. People asked what I wanna be, where I see myself in a couple of years, or even, at the age of 30. Never would I have thought, that my answer would differ THAT MUCH with reality. “I will be back working in an international company, maybe leading the Communication department, after already given birth to two children.” WOW! Girl, you not only had super high expectations! You also put a lot of pressure on yourself! I was always fearing the future. I thought I should plan it as precise as possible, but…
Well, that my friend is what happens while you´re busy making plans: LIFE HAPPENS!
What will the future hold for me?
I changed my mindset (and I am still working on that) about the future. Now I ask myself, at the age of 30, why should I be bothering where I will be in ten years from now? What will I be working and will I be married with kids, or maybe single with just one or a dog? Well, this does not really matter to me, because the question is: Does it affect my present?
No. Does it matter right now? No. Will I be able to grasp a glimpse into the future to see if my plans will work out? No. All the mind-twisting thoughts are just assumptions. They are not real. What is real, is my life right now. How I feel right now. And I wanna feel something. I, for myself, decided, that I don´t need to live a long, well planned, structured life, where I feel like I am just reacting. I want to live a full life. Every Day. Every Minute. Every Breath. In and Out. Open my eyes and do, whatever feels right at that moment.
Of course I see myself more in this or that direction – and even more – I know where I do not see myself. I simply work on what makes me happy right now and try to make a living out of that. And so I decided not to stay in Salzburg. Happy Birthday to me, I´ll present myself with the gift of traveling again from December ´18 on. And I can´t wait for everything that will come simply come into my life. I am ready, I am open – and I will not set myself under such pressure anymore.
And my plan is …
Well… that´s what I am gonna figure out on the way. Those who follow me on Instagram already might know a little bit more, but I´ll be back with an update here soon – as well as some long overdue blog posts on Central America!